Thursday, May 2, 2013

The Commoner Knows A Lot About The Real Housewives

Today's task is to talk about something I'm an expert at.  I thought and thought.  I thought about how I am an expert complainer, but I'm pretty sure that's just a reflection of my NY roots.

So I went with the other thing I'm an expert at.  The Real Housewives.  Not all of them but some of them.  I can tell you everything about these women on these shows.  Not all of them but half of them.
It all started with the Real Housewives of Orange County.  I watched from the beginning.  Mostly because Joe was playing hockey in Orange County at the time and I was pretty sure me-the commoner might show up some place.

But Vicky, Gina, Lori,  and the other blond girl really were under my skin.  They started as the real life answer to the show The OC.  Whatever.  These women were not commoners and I would love to be one.  Shop all day, eat out, work out, have oodles of money, and talk crap about people? I'm in.

Next came New Jersey.  I'm pretty sure I'm related to these women.  They are Italian, mostly related, yell a lot, eat the same things I ate, and had the same traditions.  My son said they stress him out when he watches them.  But watching the Table Flipping way of these women gave my fellow Californians a glimpse at the crazy I might unleash at any given moment.  Of course I hate Theresa very much.

Finally I love the Beverly Hills wives.  The best part about them is that they are really rich.  Joe played hockey and lived in Beverly Hills for a year so again I feel connected to them.  STOP LAUGHING!  I love their closets and goblets of alcohol.  I grew to love Camille, and Adrienne is still the housewife I want to be-with her hotel in Vegas and Basketball team.

So that's it.  I take some heat for not liking the Atlanta, Miami, or New York franchise.  First of all I've never been to Atlanta or Miami so there's a pretty good chance I'll never pop up in an episode-STOP LAUGHING!  I also know that the New York women would be super snobby and have nothing to do with me.

So there you go.  This is what my expertise lies in.  Don't be a hater because you don't remember when Slade wasn't a bum deadbeat, but when he had a lot of money and his kids lived with him.  There's always a marathon on Bravo and maybe you will catch up one day.

PS Vicky is the longest running housewife in franchise history.  

You are now educated by an expert.