The Commoners Uncommon Cousin

My cousin Lori technically is a commoner.  She's a Special Ed teacher who works hard every  day and then tutors kids.  But many many uncommon things happen to her every day. That's what makes her uncommon.


She joined us yesterday on our adventure to see How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying.  Lori goes to many Broadway shows. She has totally surpassed my new life long total of 3.


She realized halfway through the second act that she really had to use the rest room.  Knowing that the rest room was two levels below us-remember the commoners were in the last row of the balcony.  She realized that if there was any hope of not having to wait 3 hours to use the restroom after the show-she would need a strategy.


Her strategy was was to leave as soon as the final act drew to a close.  Off she darted down the stairs and she meet at by the restroom.  I turn to Kristen and said how are we ever going to find her?  She didn't even say where she would be and her phone was dying.


But alas as we descended among the hundreds of screaming Nick Jonas fans, miraculously there she was and it was off to Connonly's bar to meet my cousin Jimmy.  But you know all that.  What you don't know is what happened next.


This is something so uncommon that no one has ever heard of it, but what a story.  I noticed walking down the street that Lori was laughing and I asked her what's so funny?  She told me shouldn't couldn't tell me -now I'm thinking she took a phone call -because she's only on her phone-and had access to some scandalous family gossip.  But oh my was I ever wrong.


She said "I'm about 60 % sure (really she said 60%) That I have gum stuck in my ass. "  I'm pretty sure I almost fell over.  So I said "Okay  I give up How?"  Now if your a California friend you know we have seat covers in every restaurant.  This in not common in New York-thus the squat a very important skill.  It is practiced from the time you are out of diapers and is something every New Yorker worth their salt -is an expert at.


Well Lori was doing her job in the rest room and decided her Dentyne Pepperment Ice Gum was a little stale and it would be a good time to flick it down the toilet.  Do I have to go further?  Can you infer from here what was wrong with my cousin?


A few steps later, after I snorted my coffee out of my nose from laughing-she said "make that 75% sure".


We went to the bar and met Jimmy and I pretty much assumed this matter was settled upon Lori's first trip to the rest room.  And for sure it was 100% true that she did have gum in her pants.  This is the birth of the newest super hero to grace the planet Earth -this was the birth of GUM ASS.


Tonight at my cousin Gina's Bar North Village Tavern (yes most events with my family take place in bars).  Lori redeemed herself at Karaoke night by her beautiful rendition of Angel (you know the dead puppy song).  It was really beautiful.  Drunk hand slapper seated next to us at the bar thought so too. 


Lori's going to take her talents to The Voice where she will compete on Adam Levine's Team.  Kristen and I will be her back stage family cheerleaders.  I can't wait for that.  In the meantime she'll be starting her own blog called "The Adventures of Gum Ass"

The Commoner Goes To Broadway

Every trip to New York usually includes a trip to the city.  Not every trip contains a trip to Broadway.  In fact I've only been to 2 plays in my life.  


I'm not sure why I don't go to plays-it's not that I don't like them-well I don't love them-and just never bothered with them.  But when Kristen decided to join me on this trip she asked if the ONE thing we could do was go to a play.  Geesh okay.  


I think she thought I was exaggerating when I told her I didn't go to plays but it soon became apparent that I wasn't.  She called with a variety of choices.  I told her this one because quite frankly it was the cheapest choice.


So off we went to see Nick or some Jonas in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.  blah.  We set down in the really really tiny seats way up almost at the top-when we met this cute girl who was going to be sitting by herself next to us.


I don't usually talk to people I don't know but she was young and we told her we were teachers.  She told us she was from High School in Staten Island and came to see the play for the 5th time because she loves Nick Jonas.  She had pictures of him, knew where to find him, and met many other celebrities as well.


Brianna and I are now Twitter friends so I can keep up with her famous friends and sitings.  She definitely has paparazzi skills-but to be fair she donates a lot of the autographed stuff to charity.

Kristen was excited because it had been predicted she would meet the biggest Jonas Brother's fan and she did.


The play wasn't too bad.  I only fell asleep almost one.  Did they really need all those song and dance numbers?  Really?  Beau Bridges was in it too and in spite of the fact that he sat in chairs on platforms and could have plummeted at any time (you know like Spider Man).  Him and the Jonas Brother did good.


I was entertained by the elderly man in the row next to us who kept making death sounds but survived the show.  

Other highlights of the day was a trip to Carmines form crazy good fried zucchini and baked clams.  A trip to Connonlys for drinks with my Godson Jimmy and his newlywed wife Nicole.


On the way home we stopped at the Casino. I won 55 dollars Lori won a lot and Kristen not so much.  Then we drove home and made a wrong turn through Jamaica Queens.  A little Background this is where Fitty Cent received all his bullets.  It was sketchy as some gentlemen in the car next to us definitely eyed the situation and for a while it looked like car jacking victim would be part of the itinerary.  But that angel was back at work and inspite of Lori's refusal to run a red light because the cops might give us a ticket-(do you see the irony?)  we survived.


Today ? Back to the city and a trip to North Valley Tavern to see more people I love

The Commoner Spends Some FamilyTime

Today was the day of the trip to see tons of relatives.  But don't worry it still included lots of food and beverages and today I partook in them all.


Lest you think I've given up on my healthy California lifestyle-after a breakfast that included 5 italian cookies, 2 string cheeses for protein and two spoonfuls of Greek Yogurt, my marathon running cousin Pat picked me and took me for a run.


Now Pat is not just any old runner, you know like me, who runs a few miles , and goes home for chocolate, he's a 4 time finisher of the New York City Marathon.  He also talked me into entering for a spot this year.  He's hard core.  But I went-with him to the park to run 4 miles.  Watch out! I'm slow I told him he said no problem.


It's a good thing he's a talker because I just had to listen and try to breath.  Lest you think this was a easy run here's some of the problem I encountered.


First thing I was cold.  So i had many layers and gloves and tried really hard to breath.  Second, for some reason, my iPhone decided the only song it would play repeating time after time was Shake by Metro Station, so off went the music.  That means all I could hear was my cousins encouragement and the voices in my head.


I had open shoe laces, near heart attacks, questions I had to answer, a pain in my side, and general deathness.  But we ran and he said at the 1 and 1/2 mile marker want to turn around?  Did I say yes?  I couldn't breath, couldn't talk, had no music, couldn't keep up and was dying.  What do you think I said?  Wrong. I said no let's go for 4 miles.  


Pat runs every day like 10 miles a day this was a walk in the park for him.  But he's a good coach and had lots of advice and was very patient.  In the end I ran my fastest 4 miles to date. I'm ready for that marathon.  Bring it on.


I still have to update you on today's food, as well as fun with Kelsey and Riley, Pizza with Uncle Rocky, Aunt Mary Anne, and Aunt Joan, fabulous Chicken parm hero, pizza, and Guinness cupcakes with Ganache filling, more sangria and more italian cookies. But I'm too full to talk about any of that.  


Tomorrow BROADWAY and happy hour with my favorite godson.

The Commoner Eats and Eats and Eats-but not really

We survived the flight and made it to New York.  We survived the trip in spite of the red -eye-which didn't serve any coffee ironically.  We survived the little dog on the plane who stunk up the plane for a little while-did you ever wonder what happens when a dog flies and has to go to the bathroom?  Yeah-that's right. 

 Upon approach to landing we survived someone in rows behind us who decided to start throwing up.  Honestly I didn't even think there were that many people behind us and it was funny not that one single flight attendant sprung into action to help the barfer.

Encountered a woman while waiting to deplane who stepped backwards 5 rows to where I was sitting and said I'm just going to reach above you and get my bag.  I'm like "I'm going to get out and then you can reach above my head."  She's like humph.  Welcome to New York.

Picked up the rental car and survived a battle between the agent and the guy who preps the car.  It was so bad that when our car was delivered the guy drove it backwards and got out without even acknowledging anyone.  Welcome to New York.

But the food...first step Colony Diner in East Meadow for breakfast. But I'm battling my food obsessions this week with my desire to eat everything I love.  So breakfast with the very friend mountain bike riding waitress for me was tons of coffee and an english muffin.  

Next step was Lori's a shopping trip to Modells to buy Linsanity shirts and PIZZA.  We stopped at Italianos in West Islip for the Pizza special.  Yum.  I ate two slices and that was all I could muster up for the rest of the day.  Love the pizza you know that but it was like bricks in my stomach.

After some sangria back at the house it was time for dinner at Cafe Gio's  where it's cheaper to have the full meal with bread, salad, pasta, and dessert rather than just the salad.  Which is true-but not for me.  I saved the pasta for someone else to take home and ate the salad and the rice pudding.  I couldn't eat it.

After a trip to the Aqueduct Casino (yes there is a kind of casino there) I was kind of hungry.  And quite frankly now I'm starving.  Time for a bagel.

The Commoners Take A Trip

Two of the commoners decided to hit the road again.  Well it was going to be three of the commoners but that didn’t quite work out because really it had to be 2 or 4 and one of the 4 couldn’t make it so the third couldn’t go either.  Are you confused?  You should be.

One of the problems with being a commoner is that you fly coach and well you fly red eyes a lot because they are cheap.  So here we are at 11 PM Cali time (2AM) NY time sitting on a jet blue flight hurling ourselves across a continent in the middle of the night.

We are lucky about a few things-there are very few little kids on this flight and no babies.  Neither of us are seated next to any freaks- and they gave us a snooze kit-which surprisingly contains no alcohol or pills (so i don’t know how this helps you snooze).

When we get to New York it will be 7AM.  We’ll get off the plane (last because we are in the back).  We will hope our luggage arrives to, we’ll get our car and step out into the New York air(I LOVE THAT SMELL)  Hit a diner and head out to Lori’s for fun and games.

I’ll keep you posted of all the antics we had and some of the food we eat.  I’ll explain that I will have NO Dunkin Donuts due to my boy cot.  

Someday I hope to fly first class and stay in the club VIP lounge to be met by my driver when i arrive in New York-but for today I’ll hope for some shut eye and to not look to crappy. 

Let the fun and games begin

The Commoner Feels Young

If you've been reading this blog you know that I'm always looking out for the few people my age.  I feel like there aren't a lot of us that I see so when I hear someone is my age and born in my year I take notice and feel an instant bond with them.  Then I measure myself against them because I'm insanely competitive.

Well this week, as the world knows, Whitney Houston died.  I had forgotten, or maybe not known that Whitney was born the same year as I was.  I was sad when she died because her music was the background to a great time in my life.

I think I measure pretty well against Whitney and how she's done.  I'm married and my kids are doing okay.  I haven't had a reality show.  My husband's name is Robert but I've never called him BOBBY ( insert Kathy Griffin Routine).  I'm alive!

I'll give Whitney a dazzling smile though -she always had that. 

What did make me feel better is that every time- any time -any one spoke of Whitney's death they would say something like this " and she died at the young age of 48."

I'm truly sad for Whitney's family, her daughter, and anyone else personally touched by this loss.  But it's nice to be told that I'm at a young age.

Next week a few big things happen.  First I'm going to New York with Kristen and we're staying with Lori.  I can't imagine the antics and blog worthy events the commoner will find herself in.

 Second it's Lent and that starts the Lenten Random Acts of Kindness Project.  The Third Annual Random Acts of Kindness project.  I usually have to stay quiet about it but this year I'll share them with you.  So Stayed tuned.